Sebuah catatan beberapa waktu yang lalu:
I woke up and started my daily activities. Decided to move forward. Won’t make any step back. Four years is enough. Four years knowing him, write many things about him, madly in love with him. I am done and glad, darling. We’re done.
The more I say that I’m okay, the more people think that I do not fine. The more I say that I don’t care, at that point, the more people realize that I still care.
Oh God, how much I miss you this time. I need Your hug :__(
Nothing can heal this pain. Nothing but You.
I never have enough time to write the things in my mind these days. Too busy with all of my university stuff and those lab activities. I don’t want to make this sounds too much for you, guys, but I swear, this 24 hours at each day is NOT ENOUGH for me. This routinity drives me crazy. I’m 19 but I feel like I have to work like I’m 20-something. But then, when I ended my day, lied on the bed, I knew that everything that I did is gonna worth it.
Sometimes, I think this life is the thing I hate and love with all of my heart at the same time.
Maybe I walked this far just to fall again. Or maybe I walked this far to meet one of the greatest men I will ever know in my entire life.
Maybe I walked this far to understand how hurt it is.
Maybe I walked this far to understand how lovely this beautiful life.
Maybe this is the time to let you understand how much I want to tell you that I always want you to stay with me. Really, my sweetheart, I wished I could tell you how much I want to see your smile every morning, how much I want to hear your laugh and voice every time we met. And the most important thing is how much I want to know what’s inside your heart. You never gave me enough signs. All this time I had to guess what was on your mind and I’m tired with that. I’m just too tired for another teenager love story, dear. I need to know where you want me to stand: is it in your heart or just in your hand, as your best best friend?
Please my dear, let me know where you want to stay. At my side or at her side.
And you’re thinking we’ll be fine again,
But not this time around.
You don’t have to call anymore.
I won’t pick up the phone.
This is the last straw.
Don’t wanna hurt anymore.
And you can tell me that you’re sorry.
But I don’t believe you baby.
Like I did before.
You’re not sorry.
(You’re not Sorry – Taylor Swift)
“When I was in complete surrender of who I am, the helpless idiot venturing her endless lessons of love and life.. When I was thankful that he would grow a day older and see what a mess I could be.. And I can feel I am arriving in that moment again, right now, as I am cuddled like his Teddy, and still not knowing what to do or what to decide.”
So, would it be nice to sit back in silence..
Despite all the wisdom and the fantasies..
Having you close to my heart as I say a little grace..
I’m thankful for this moment cause I know that you..
Grow a day older and see how this sentimental fool can be..
When she tires to write a birthday song, when she thinks so hard to make your day, when she’s getting lost in all her thoughts, when she waits a whole day to say..
“I’m thankful for this moment cause I know that I grow a day older and see how this sentimental fool can be. When he ache his arms to hold me tight, when he picks up lines to make me laugh, when he’s getting lost in all his calls, when we can’t wait to say, ‘I love you’.”
If everything has been written down, so why worry, we say.. It’s you and me with a little left of sanity.
taken from: Rectoverso – Dewi Lestari